You know, what I wish I had known with my first baby is how difficult it actually is to have a newborn.
With both of my babies, I had the baby blues for about two weeks.
With all three of my pregnancies, I might have had the sense, a little bit, of the baby blues, maybe with baby number two, Joanna.
Oh, the baby blues hit within the first few weeks.
Because my husband was still gone on deployment. And he was gone the whole time during the pregnancy and through the delivery.
I didn’t experience any depression after Cade’s birth, but I have had a little bit of depression with this one. I think I’ve just been overwhelmed with stress.
I did experience just being overwhelmed by it all and the lack of sleep.
A sense of being weary and exhausted.
Just adjusting to having this new little person in your life that you’re responsible for 24/7.
Questioning my parenting; feeling like I might now be able to handle it. Especially with the second baby, I was worried about the fact that I was going to go back to work so quickly.
Because I didn’t want anybody to touch her. I didn’t want anybody to take her from me. And I was nervous for Nick to have her.
I let myself think that my husband probably can’t do it as well as I can. And that something bad might happen. And then you start to worry, you know, about SIDS and all. It’s just a terrible cycle.
And you’re fine one minute, and then all of the sudden, “Get away from me!” And you’re crying.
I would call my husband at work sometimes and I would just be crying on the phone and saying, “Do you know how much I love being a mother? Do you know how much I love our kid?” And he would just, I’m sure, think I was crazy.
I just needed to know her every move. And I’d just cry all the time.
Sometimes he’d cry and sometimes I’d just have to leave him there and go cry myself in the bathroom.
I wouldn’t say trapped, but one of those things where you think, “Is this ever going to get better?”
I didn’t do anything specific to get past it. It just passed. I knew it would, once I knew what it was. So I tried not to think about it too much.
I looked at my daughter who’s now … and I’d say, “Wait I just did this. So I can do this again.” So that’s something that got me out of the hole with my depression on the second child here.
I did have some postpartum depression and people around me didn’t really know because it was our first baby. We didn’t know if this is just the way it is. But I went to talk to my doctor — she’s a nurse practitioner — and I just started crying. And she held my hand and she said, “Honey, I think we have a little bit of postpartum depression. But it’s okay. This will get better.” And, you know, I’m still crying because it was such a big deal, but she was right. It did.
You know, she gave me options. I can talk to somebody; there's medications. You know, so she gave me different options and things to do and it actually felt good. It felt like, “I know this isn’t normal, but I don’t really know what to do about it.” Talking with my husband, we both agreed that if it was necessary we would stop breastfeeding and take medication. But I talked to the counselor and it helped a lot. It helped a lot [to] just kind of normalize things. It was a little bit of time away from baby, which I think was good, too. So I was glad to have my nurse practitioner say something so it was okay to talk about.